


Let You Down

by mandaree1



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (steven's meal is vegetarian no worries), Am I qualified to write Spinel?, And only one person has said sorry ONCE that wasn't steven, Bc at least two apology-level offenses happen per chapter, Blue and Yellow are married don't @ me, Everyone Has Trauma, Everyone casually admits to murder, Illegally driving, Insomnia, Me- shoving all these characters together- TALK, Mostly Steven being afraid of letting ppl down for doing non-gender conforming things, My inability to write action scenes, No no I am not, Not that Jasper would ever call it that, Pepe's Burgers, Pls read the chapter titles I love them, She's too proud, Sleep-fusing, Steven and Jasper's awkward friendship, Steven being creative with his powers, Strained family relationships, The Gems finally realizing They Ruined Perfectly Good Kids, The first one is my favorite, The girls are fightteeeennn, Therapy, Toxic Masculinity, Using school to ignore your own PTSD, Writing complex character dynamics hurts, a bit of it anyway, jasper being jasper, lots of therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: "I won't ask you to forgive me," Garnet replies gruffly. "But I will ask you to understand, Connie. Childhood is such a foreign concept to Gems. We can develop, and change, but the process of puberty and 'growing' is so alien it was easy for us to ignore it.""That's another excuse," Connie accuses, but it's lacking any heat."It is.""And this is something you should tell Steven. Not me.""I will," she responds. "But Steven's not the only child we've let down."
Comments: 54
Kudos: 393





	1. Jasper busts down ur door for a spoonful of sugar pov

Little Homeworld takes to the Diamonds like- well, like a bunch of skittish and technically 'incorrect' bunch of people would seeing their former dictators. White takes it hardest, crying into long-nailed fingers and blubbering about it being her fault. And it is, so no one corrects her- save for the few grumbles of the other Diamonds being just as guilty. Yellow carefully holds Blue's wrist and lets the woman lean on her while they handle the barrage. Spinel is squished between them.

Thankfully, Gems are great at being forgiving. Despite being wary, they offer platitudes and gifts. The Heaven and Earth Beetles seem especially curious, climbing over and around the ex-leaders like Pebbles up a wall. Knowing them, they're probably gunning to add them to their evening constitutional.

Steven makes a bigger impact. Partially for his actions earlier, but mostly from the way his hands are wrapped around her waist as she guides Lion, the shy press of his head to her shoulder. It doesn't take a genius to decipher who the giant pink worm on the beach might have been, with all the attention on him.

None of that is _weird_ , per se, until they get into Bismuth's makeshift house and Jasper is on the couch, arms crossed, scowling.

Bismuth's jaw drops. "How did you-"

Jasper points toward a separate room. "Busted a hole in."

The blacksmith shrieks. "My wall!" She's gone before Connie can even blink.

The Quartz doesn't have a nose, but if she did Connie was pretty sure it'd be scrunching right now. She carefully examined Steven from where he sat. Steven stared back at her, almost perfectly blank. If anything, Connie thought he looked bored.

"Heard you got corrupted," she says.

Steven cocks an eyebrow. "Since when did you talk to other Gems?"

Jasper doesn't answer that. "You don't _look_ like you corrupted."

"Did you seriously break in to ask stupid questions?" Connie growls. Steven's begun to waver in her arms, undoubtedly exhausted.

She stands up, trying to intimidate her with her sheer height. She met her eyes without flinching. "What's it to you, human?"

"What's it to _you_?" she counters.

Jasper bares her canines. "He's my Diamond."

Steven pipes up from her shoulder. "We did a weird training montage in the woods and this is the only way her pride will let her worry." He fixes her a sleepy smile. "I'm okay, Jasper. Don't worry about me."

Somehow, despite lacking a nose, Jasper snorts. "Whatever. Next time, you should bring actual power to your battle. Not some weak little whelp."

"I will snap your neck like a twig."

"Please don't snap Jasper's neck like a twig."

"I'd like to see her try."

"Jasper. Please. No."

* * *

Steven falls asleep in a pile of Gems so deep and thick that Connie honestly couldn't fit in if she wanted to. Which she does. But this isn't about her right now, so she pushes through it and sneaks off to the couch.

It takes all her leftover control not to throw herself onto it, making herself sit daintily on the edge. It's Bismuth's couch, she tells herself. Bismuth already lost an anvil, some scaffolding, and the Heaven and Earth Beetles' home. She hates upholstering things. Don't wreck her couch.

God, she thought. She should be studying right now.

And that's so stupid, isn't it? To be thinking about that right now. The hulking figure of her best friend's self-hatred tried to vore her earlier today, and she's worried about missing a little bit of studying? Get your shit together, Maheswaran. The quiet room seemed to be judging her, crawling up her arms and into her ears, whispering.

Right. Adulting! Connie could do that. She pulled her phone out and unlocked it, bringing up her mother's contact. There hadn't exactly been time to explain what was going on earlier. But what could she say _now_? It all felt too personal for her to talk about. Like White's head. Or the ocean floor. Or that time Pearl accidentally cut her arm during training and cradled her while Steven healed it, sobbing. Some things are supposed to be witnessed and kept in the heart forever.

It didn't exactly help that she hadn't been able to speak to her mom directly since the hospital.

 _Staying the night at Steven's_ , Connie typed, as slow as molasses. _Everything ok. Godzilla contained._ That's such a horrible thing to call Steven. She's so horrible to call Steven that.

She hit send.

Connie turned her phone off.

* * *

Around one or two Garnet shuffles out of guest room, sitting on the end of the couch. Connie, currently laying on it and covered in a blue blanket, reluctantly rolled onto her back and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Can't sleep?" she guesses.

Garnet swallows. "Steven's out like a light. He was so tired..."

"I didn't ask about Steven."

"He asked Ruby and Sapphire if he should propose. They said yes."

Connie's fingers tangle in the fabric. She really doesn't wanna talk about that right now. "Well," she says. "That wasn't their best idea."

"I never saw a future where he didn't propose, so I didn't stop him."

"Steven's changed the future before."

Garnet nods. "It was selfish of me. I- I saw him struggling, but nothing I did seemed to help him. I thought, if I couldn't, maybe you could." The fusion reaches a hand out to gently push a lock of hair out of Connie's face. It's so weirdly affectionate it makes her nervous. Garnet had always been more hands-off with her. "It was so easy to forget you're both children. You're both so mature." She paused, shaking her head. "No. I'm making excuses."

"Trauma does that to a person," she says, and immediately regrets it when Garnet's shoulders hunch. "Steven's... been through a lot."

"I won't ask you to forgive me," Garnet replies gruffly. "But I will ask you to understand, Connie. Childhood is such a foreign concept to Gems. We can develop, and change, but the process of puberty and 'growing' is so alien it was easy for us to ignore it."

"That's another excuse," Connie accuses, but it's lacking any heat.

"It is."

"And this is something you should tell Steven. Not me."

"I will," she responds. "But Steven's not the only child we've let down."

Connie felt her muscles bunch up against her will. "I've never regretted helping where I could."

"You shouldn't've had to-"

" _None of this_ should have to be a thing! No one should ever have to fight to be allowed to be themselves. No one should ever have pick up a weapon. No one should ever have to see their son turn into a giant hulking lizard!" Garnet flinched. Connie forced her voice to lower. "But it did. And nothing can change that. And I don't regret _anything_."

"I know, Connie."

"And I know Steven feels the same way. So... don't worry about me, alright?" Holding herself up was starting to hurt, so she slid back down. "He's the one hurting here."

"I'm sure Steven would say the same of you," Garnet says, and it's Connie's turn to flinch. "That's the problem."

* * *

By three Connie gave up trying. She didn't tend to sleep much on weekdays as is, and that was when the most fascinating thing going on was books. A quick peek around didn't reveal Jasper- who, presumably, had left- but it did get her to the hole Jasper left, which she used to quietly slip out.

Little Homeworld is never still. Gems don't require sleep, and many of them seemed to honestly enjoy watching the stars slip in and out of sight. But tonight was surprisingly low-energy, as if they all sensed that this wasn't a time to be rowdy.

She could, in the distance, hear White's voice, which was so loud it made the average ear throb. She's laughing. Of course. They must all be fascinated, seeing the Diamonds in such a 'low class' place. Even with Era 3 being so different from Era 2, it wasn't like change happened overnight. Connie finds her fingers curling into fists. White wasn't her favorite Diamond. None of them were exactly friends of hers, but Connie wasn't apt to forget what she'd done to Steven anytime soon. It was hard to be this close to her.

"You feel it too, huh?"

She jumped, and almost immediately hated herself for not hearing Bismuth coming. How could she possibly be the same person who'd flipped a boy over and broken his arm for brushing her as a little girl? How could she have become so _normal_ that she didn't notice a six foot woman until she was very awkwardly squishing herself out of a hole built for someone a bit thinner in the shoulders? _(How could she be so weak?)_

Bismuth manages to get herself out and went to stand by Connie's side, looking disheveled. "I know they're better now, and I know they aren't gonna hurt us, but it really grinds my gears to see the Diamonds in _my_ town."

"Steven's a Diamond," Connie reminds her.

"That's different." She waves it off. "He's a Crystal Gem. He's one of us."

"The title doesn't mean much now, does it? It's basically a veteran status."

Bismuth crosses her arms and tuts. "Crystal Gems got a lotta work to do yet, Connie. Homeworld might be our friend, but _we're_ the only ones puttin' in the effort. _We're_ the ones buildin' everything. _We're_ the ones teaching 'em to love themselves." She sighs. "I just hope they'll do the same for us someday."

"Do you miss it?" Connie asked. "The planet, not the dictatorship and slavery."

"Nah. I never got to love being Bismuth on Homeworld. Never even liked to build stuff." She swept her hands outwards, to houses big and small, all different angles and structures, and all very lovingly made. "I can build how I want now. I can _love_ to build now. I could never love somethin' more than the Earth, for giving me that."

Connie nodded along. "I love space," she admits, staring off in the distance. White was laughing again. Judging by the forced nature of it, she guessed Yellow had attempted a joke. "But I dunno if I love what's in it."


	2. Anytime gets said a lot for some reason

When Connie was five, her mother had gotten a great job offer and they, of course, had had to move, and because of the long drive her father had gently shaken her awake and carried her to the car just as dawn hit the horizon, and she was so out of it she hadn't realized until much later that she forgot to say goodbye to their apartment. That same sense of unreality hit her when Steven- her jam bud, her partner, her now ex-Godzilla monster friend- woke her and asked if she wanted to go to Pepe's Burgers the day after _being_ said Godzilla monster. Connie agrees, because it's not like Bismuth has a fully stocked kitchen in what is basically her rest stop and bed, and they walk the decent distance to the warp pad in the same clothes they wore yesterday.

This is, of course, not a fullproof plan, and they get maybe five minutes into what is quickly becoming a peaceful if chilly stroll by the loudest goddamn, "Ah, Steven!" Connie's ever heard. White holds her arms out like she's going to hug him again. Beside her are Yellow and Blue, who are not-so-inconspicuously holding hands.

"Have you come to wish us off?" White asks.

"Uh, yeah," Steven says, the polite fool. "I didn't know you guys were going so soon?"

"I'm afraid so. We wanted to stay longer, but after a quick talk with Yellow and Blue I've decided it's probably best to leave for now." White holds a fist to her mouth, eyes shining with tears. "I can only imagine the horrid things we must remind you of."

Connie can think of a few. She leans close to Steven's ear. "Are we still doing the saluting thing or is that gone out the window?"

He leans back, brushing her shoulder with his. "It's not technically necessary but they really like it when people do."

"Inflating their egos?"

"Basically."

"Goody."

White blinks down at him, baffled. "What are you two whispering about?" she asks. Connie takes it as a good sign it's not a demand.

Connie plants her feet to the dirt and does the salute. She hates it. Of course she does. But this isn't a good time to pick a fight. "Just the best way to greet the Diamonds."

Blue's face lights up. "Oh! I recognize you! You're Steven's... um."

"Right," Connie says. "His um."

"I'm sorry, dear. It's a terrible habit of mine to assume." To her credit, Blue honestly does seem sheepish about the mix-up. "But we have met before, correct?"

Connie forces herself to smile. "We didn't really talk to each other, but yeah."

Yellow tuts, pinching her chin. Her brow is furrowed. "I don't quite recall your name. It's on the tip of my tongue, but- a moment! Just give me a moment."

She hopes she can't. It's petty. Connie recognizes it is. It's coming from the same little goblin in her head that had wanted to beat Kevin in racing and make him cry like the pathetic manbaby he is. To look this giant hulking rock in the eye and watch as a tyrant that had made her friends' lives absolute hell stumbled and stuttered over her name is a concept Connie could learn to enjoy.

Spinel saves her- though, honestly, Connie isn't sure which her she saves. She comes cartwheeling over and wraps Steven in a multi-layer hug. "What's up, buddacup?" she asks rhetorically, breaking out in snickers. "You know, I've made more friends in the past _day_ than I have in my entire life? You betta come visit, or I'mma find you."

"You know what buttercups are," Connie says, eyebrows raised. "But not sandals?"

Spinel jumps, clearly having not noticed her either, and her smile bursts even brighter. "Key to comedy, my dear, is to know just enough to confuse everyone else," she explains, looking very smug.

"Garnet says it's fear."

"Oh, a bit'a that too! Comedy is a lotta things." Spinel hugs her next. It's just one layer of arm. Somehow, that makes it feel impersonal, even as she twists her head to an unnatural angle to whisper in her ear. "Don't take it personally. They're a little bit thick in the Gem, but they mean well."

Connie gingerly pats her back. "Thanks."

She pulled away. "Anytime."

Yellow startles, smacking the palm of her hand with her fist. "Connie! I _knew_ it was in my coding somewhere."

"You're so smart, Yellow," Blue says, and giggles, and leans comfortably into the crook of the Diamond's arm.

* * *

Connie finally switches her phone on about halfway to the fast food place, per Steven's request. There's five missed calls and a text from her father; somehow even more heart-stopping is the silence on her mother's end. She hoped they hadn't swung by the temple.

She clicks on Pearl's contact. _Went to grab food. Will be back soon._

The reply is almost instant. _I'm going to skin that boy alive._ "She says she's going to skin you alive."

Steven laughs a little, but doesn't sound humored. "That's probably Amethyst. She steals Pearl's phone and pretends to be her sometimes."

* * *

"Did you really shatter Jasper?"

Connie chokes on her french fries. Pearl notices and pats her on the back, but her eyes never leave Steven.

"Can this wait?" Steven asks. "I don't want to do this in front of a bunch of people."

Bismuth promptly stands and clasps a hand on Lapis and Peridot's shoulders. "Alright! That's our cue, gang."

Lapis struggles, but not, like, hard. Lapis could kill them all with a flick of her wrist if she really wanted to. "Aww, come on. We have every right to know."

"This is a family talk," Bismuth replies, having had one just like it herself back in the war. "If Steven feels comfortable talkin' about it with us, he'll let us know. Besides, I wanna get the temple up and runnin' in a day and a half, tops."

Peridot fixes Amethyst a puppy dog look. "You'll let me know later, right?"

For once, Amethyst isn't drawn in by her charm. "I'll tell you exactly what I'm allowed to say, P-dot."

"But with details, right?"

"If the only detail is that I'm not allowed to share details, then yes."

Bismuth lightly baps the top of her hair, eliciting a hiss. "Let's give them some space."

Steven smiles nervously. "Thanks, Bismuth."

"Anytime."

Connie curls her fingers in Steven's. They're both greasy. "I can go too," she says, though she really, _really_ doesn't want to.

Steven instantly tightened their grip. "Please don't leave me," he answers, then looks guilty about it, which is every reason for Connie to stay.

"I won't," she tells him, and means it. Her phone is buzzing in her pocket.

* * *

" _Well_?" Pearl presses, once the room has shrunken by three. Her face is a jumble of things; fear, hope, understanding. Connie can't help but wonder how this must feel to the Gem- the reversal of the day she got her phone.

Steven scowls, fidgeting with the neck of a coke bottle. "I did."

The room goes silent. Connie isn't surprised. In a way, she feels bad about it. She was supposed to be his knight, after all. She had been the one who'd begged Pearl for the chance to go to war. She brought the snacks and survival gear to every mission. If anyone should've shattered a Gem, it should've been her.

_(Maybe it's... jealousy?)_

_(God, Maheswaran. What's **wrong** with you?)_

It's Garnet's turn to speak next. "You're sure," she states, because Garnet doesn't ask questions, arms crossed.

"No," Steven says, straight-faced. "I _guessed_ that I killed a Gem. What do you think?"

Garnet has never taken disrespect well. But this time she tables her feelings, gently setting a hand on his shoulder. "Steven, I know this is hard. I know we've dropped the ball for you so many times. But I need you to understand; you're in like company. You don't have to be afraid to tell us these things."

"You've shattered Gems." His voice is flat. This isn't new information, technically, but neither he nor Connie had liked to think about that. His eyes slowly swivel towards Amethyst; the only non-veteran. "Even you?"

Amethyst shifts uncomfortably. "It was a corruption. It was just me and..." her voice cut off. "It almost shattered Rose, dude. I grabbed it with my whip, but there was a cliff, and it tripped, and... it fell gem-first."

"My first was an Amethyst," Pearl says.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Pearl," Amethyst says.

"We don't say fuck in this house," she chides. "It was horrible. It was on purpose. And I'd do it again."

Connie feels Steven start to tremble beside her. "You're doing it again," she snaps, and they stop.

"The point is, we understand," Garnet finishes.

"No, you don't." Steven shrugs her hand off. "No one does. No one _can_. There's never been anyone like me; that's the problem. I'm too Gem for human stuff and I'm too human for Gem stuff. I just... want things to be _okay_ again."

"Therapy," Connie suggests.

Steven squints at her. "The guys in the cartoons with the long couches?"

"No. Well, yes, kind of. They're people who go to school and learn how to help people with mental health issues. They help you go step-by-step into the life you want." She cleared her throat. "I, uh, I had to go see one after I flipped Jeff. For my temper."

Pearl scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, with how talented you are, the boy's lucky he got out with the arm attached. They should be praising you on your _restraint_."

Connie ignores that, and how good it makes her feel. She _shouldn't_ feel good. She _assaulted_ someone. "It's an option, if you feel like you're up to it."

"I don't really 'feel up' to much of anything," he admits, shrugging his shoulders. "Do you... really think it'll help?"

She grits her teeth. Connie couldn't give him all the answers here. Hell, they might not even be the right answers. "I think that's entirely up to you, and finding a therapist you mesh well with." She hesitates. "I could ask my mom."

"You could?" Connie nods. A small, relieved smile creeps up Steven's face. "Thanks, Connie. That really helps a lot."

* * *

The missed call is from Daniel, wanting to know if their plans to study were still viable. Connie hangs up her voicemail and goes to her mom's. Nothing. The last message is Connie asking if she could swing by the hospital with Steven.

It's late. Almost eleven. The talk had gone through the afternoon and into dinner, and now everyone was off doing their own things. Steven was reading a book. Amethyst was sleeping. Connie was pretty sure Garnet and Pearl had gone to help fix the temple. This is the best time to possibly call a human being right now.

Damn it.

Connie steps outside. The night is a lot nicer when the Diamonds aren't there, even if she's only out here to throw the devil a bone. She sits on the slab that connects the house to the ground and texts Priyanka the first thing in almost two weeks now. _Steven wants to try therapy. Can you send me a list of potential doctors to try?_

There's a long pause. She's pretty sure her mother is driving home right now, so she's more surprised when she calls than she probably should be. She hits answer with a heavy swallow, holding it to her ear. "Hi, mom."

"Finally got it through his thick head, did you?" Priyanka responds. "Well, I won't say I have any personal recommendations, but I'll ask around and see. I've heard a lot of good about a fellow about twenty miles west."

"Thanks."

"Hmm."

Connie's lip quivers. She wants to say _I love you_.

"I'm sorry I had to go like that," she says instead. "Steven needed me."

"I know," she says, her voice betraying a million disappointments. "He always does."

"Ma'am, I-"

Priyanka cut her off. "Connie. You're sixteen. Don't ma'am me."

"Sorry."

"Don't. You don't mean that, either. I know Steven is important to you, Connie. He's important to me too. But when are you going to stop throwing aside everything for him?"

"A few days not studying won't stop me from going to college, mom."

"I'm not talking about the damn studying! I'm talking about the sword lessons. I'm talking about the insomnia. I'm talking about _your_ trauma. When are you going to let someone help you the way you're always helping him?"

Connie's grip tightened on the rim of her cell phone. "I gotta go, mom. I'll text you in the morning."

"Fine." Distantly, she can hear the turn signal flick on. "Good night."

"Night."

The dial tone buzzed in her ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of phone stuff in this chapter lol. I don't have much to say other than Spinel's squeaky noises could sound out that bar tune in star wars and I dunno what to do with that knowledge.
> 
> I will forever write Yellow and Blue as wives who're finally allowed to be open around their family after being together for like 10,000 years secretly and that's the TEA.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	3. Connie punches a brick wall, what happens next will warm your heart

"Oh, my god," Connie says as Steven sits on the couch. It's almost four in the morning now. "Why is everyone doing this. What have I done to deserve so much couch talk."

Steven hesitates, but Connie's smiling, so he feels comfortable enough to scooch his butt back a bit. "What can I say? You're a woman of common sense, Maheswaran."

"I possess all the brain cells."

"In an anime arc, you're the coup de grâce."

"Holy shit, you're right."

"I'm sorry," Steven says, and all the light fun vanishes in an instant. Connie sits up to gauge him better. She has a hand ready to smack him if it's over something stupid- which, knowing him, it probably was. "For proposing."

"Oh," Connie says, suddenly swallowing a mouthful of sand. "That."

"That."

"I'm not- I'm not _mad_ about it or anything, Steven. It was sweet, in a way." Her cheeks heated up a bit at the memory. Connie didn't have to be a genius to know it'd probably end up as a good gag at their actual wedding. "If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. I can't believe I just left you there like that."

"You had to study! Studying's important to you," he argues. "And it wasn't sweet. I was just... looking for a reason, I guess. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I still don't! And I thought following you to college, and marrying you, it would somehow magically make things better. I put all of that on you and that was wrong of me."

"That doesn't make me leaving you right! And, yeah, maybe it was a little selfish, but the fact that you want to spend your life with me makes my stomach do the hooky pokey! So it's, like, even, or whatever."

"That's not how that works!"

"Fight me about it, Universe!"

"AAAA!" Steven yells, throwing his hands up.

"AAAA!" Connie shouts back, waving her arms around.

There's a loud thud on the wall, followed by Amethyst roaring, " _SHUT THE HELL UP!_ "

"WE'RE ARGUING," Connie returns.

"WELL I'M **_SLEEPIN'_ **AND I GOT SENOIRITY, SO SHUT! THE! HELL! UP!"

Steven cupped his hands around his mouth, as if that somehow made him quieter. "GOOD NIGHT AMETHYST I LOVE YOU."

Connie just barely manages to stifle some giggles as Amethyst groans and rolls over as loudly as possible. Steven's smiling again, and that's such a preferred alternative to what was just going on she just can't ruin it.

* * *

The beach house is exactly as it was before the damage. Connie is, as always, amazed by the amount of care Bismuth puts into her work- even the grain of the wood mostly matches up. It's a far cry from the temple of yesteryear, which was patched up with awkwardly dispersed planks and the odd sheet of metal. It doesn't leak, it doesn't break, it hardly even creaks.

To Connie, who had only known imperfection, it looks very, very fake.

"Oh, it's _lovely_!" Pearl gushes, taking one of Bismuth's hands in both of hers. Bismuth instantly turns into a blushing mess, huffing out an awkward laugh. "You can't even tell!"

Bismuth smiles lopsidedly. "I've worked on this place enough by now, I know how she ticks. It's an easy fix. I _think_ Peri mighta put a new laser in the plumbing somewhere, but the little goblin's gotten good at hiding 'em from me."

"Perfect," Pearl repeats, squeezing.

There's an audible _thud_ from outside, and the walls shake. Bismuth tsks under her breath. "Jasper's been up my geode all day. She _says_ she's fixin' the statue, but I think she's just headbutting it. G, you mind talking to her? She 'bout ripped my dreads out."

"Saving the hard job for me. I see how it is." Garnet confidently strolls to the door, then pauses. "Connie. I already know you're going to follow."

That's actually news to Connie, but she also doesn't really doubt herself on it, either. Connie is definitely the type of person to follow her leader out the door to bitch at the bully. Steven's dark eyes flare with panic as she steps away from him, but he's still so tired from corrupting he can't even try to follow, plopping down on a barstool.

Garnet holds the door open for her, shutting it quietly. " _I'll_ do the talking," she says, then cups her hands to her face. "Oi! Stranger! That's my roof you're fiddlin' with up there!"

Jasper pulls her helmet free with a guttural roar, sending some rocks below. There has actually been some shaping going on, but it's crude and not at all what the temple had been in its heyday. She glares down at them. "What're _you_ gonna do about it?"

The fusion shrugs, leaning comfortably against the railing. "I suppose I'll stay and watch. It won't kill you to have some company."

The Quartz sneers. Jasper drops to the wood floor with a thud almost as loud as her earlier sculpting, and stands tall over Garnet, who is completely unfazed. Connie's eyes water from the dust. "I don't consort with fusions _or_ humans," she snarled.

"Funny," says Garnet. "Steven does both."

Jasper's gaze wavers, but only slightly. "My Diamond can do as he likes. It's _my_ job to hold _myself_ to standards that will keep him gleaming."

 _Well, shit,_ Connie thinks almost instantly, because she almost says, "Oh, worm," **_out loud_** and if she did that she'd have to fling herself off the cliff and into the ocean to live amongst the fish.

"He's not your Diamond," she says instead, because that's somehow an easier topic to handle. "He's your friend. And you can give it whatever weird, vaguely BDSM-related wordings you like, but we all know it's the truth."

"Connie," Garnet warns.

"Sorry, ma'am."

Jasper's glare turns baleful. "You didn't train that human very well, did you?"

"I reckon she's pretty polite, considering she's already knocked your lights out in a good chunk of my other futures."

"I'd like to see her try."

"See, _now_ you're temptin' fate."

She bares her teeth in a grin that she probably assumes is threatening, but Connie couldn't give less of a damn about fear. She lost the right to fear the day White Diamond held her like a scruffed kitten in Pearl's arms while her best friend fell several stories. "Go on, then," she goads. "Give it your best shot."

"I'm not interested in playing your games," Connie told her.

"Coward."

_(That's fair.)_

"You couldn't hurt me anyway."

_(This is technically true.)_

"No wonder my Diamond left you. You're useless."

_(She's right.)_

Connie punches her square in the jaw. Something gives, but it's not Jasper's form. Garnet grabs her arm and tugs her back before she can break anything, but it hurts like she stuck it in the fireplace and cracked every knuckle in the embers. The fusion's fingers are tight enough to bruise.

"Go back inside," she says grimly. "Me 'n Jasper are gonna have a chat."

"But-"

" _Now_ , Connie."

And Connie will clench her fists and say, "Yes, ma'am," pride and hand stinging; because, unlike Jasper's assumption, she _has_ been trained pretty well.

* * *

"There." Steven kisses it better with a smile, holding her hand like it's the most precious thing in the world. "Don't worry, Connie. Garnet will-"

"I don't need _Garnet_ to fight my battles," she snapped, pulling her fingers away. Connie stormed up the stairs and into Steven's bedroom, which is also different from when they were kids, since it has a wall. It doesn't have a door, but at least there's no threat of literally falling into the living room. She collapses onto his bed and screams into the pillows for a solid half hour.

Eventually, the bed dips beside her, and Steven gently strokes her hair. "Are you mad at me?" he asks, voice pitifully small.

Connie sighs. "I'm mad at _myself_."

"Jasper has a habit of bringing the worst out of people," he admits, wiping some sweat from his brow. "When I- you know. She had me laughing. _I_ was laughing. At _her_. Because I was _winning._ " The fingers on the back of her neck get a bit sharp as he breaks off, muttering, "maybe she just brings out who you really are."

Connie tilted her head to look at him. His mouth was less human and more pac-man at this point, and pink splotches rose along his hands like beauty spots. "Steven?"

He flinched, finally noticing. "Sorry! Sorry."

"You aren't shapeshifting yourself to look normal, are you?"

Steven quickly shook his head. "No, it's nothing like that. It's... emotional. Like all my dang powers." He ran his claws through his hair. "My body is fine, but my mind is still in agro-defense-aaaaI'mgonnadie mode."

Connie slaps the sheets. "Of course. Now I'm letting you down, too!"

"Connie-"

"Don't even start that _it's okay_ , Universe. I need to be better than this. I need to be better for you. You need someone better than this petty shit."

Steven's voice turned sharp. "Since when did _you_ get to decide what _I_ need?"

She rolled her eyes. "Steven, you know what I-"

"No, I really don't!" He threw his hands up. "This is _exactly_ why I didn't tell you guys. I don't want everyone deciding that they know what's best for me. They've done that my whole life, and look at me! I turned into a walking dinosaur!" Steven grew a few centimeters; not much, but enough to be noticeable. "Why can't everyone just be honest with each other?"

"Because I'm _broken_ , Steven!" Connie stood on the bed to be nose-to-nose with him, eyes blazing. "And I shouldn't be! I don't have the right to be! You went across the galaxy and saved it- I barely even left Beach City! I had a handful of bad experiences and you had enough to fill up the damn ocean!"

"Comparing trauma is stupid and pointless, Connie! If we did that, then we'd spend forever arguing who had it worse. The Gems, for fighting in the war and the corruptions? Pearl, for knowing mom's secret? The Diamonds, for running an empire and being emotionally constipated? Spinel, in the garden? We can all be equally messed up about stuff that has happened!"

" _You're_ stupid and pointless!"

" _I know, that's kind of why I had this meltdown in the first place_!"

They both quiet down, ashamed for their own various traumatic reasons. Steven shrinks so he's normal-ish again, and leans his back against Connie's side. Connie stares at her knees. They're definitely knees.

"My mom and I had a fight." It's hard to say it out loud. It's cementing that not only did she mess up, she messed up so badly the mess up is still messing up as they currently mess up more. "After the hospital. We haven't really talked to each other since."

"I'm sorry," Steven says.

"Don't. It wasn't about you. It was about a lot of things, but not you. She wants me to have a more regular life. She wants me to stop studying as much. She wants me to have friends."

"You have friends."

"I know! And she just told me to get more! Like it's a resource or something?" Connie shrugs, still not sure. Her mother could be confusing and conflicting when she got angry. "I have to study. It's the only thing keeping me sane."

"I'm sorry," he says again. "You shouldn't have had to put all that aside for me."

"I didn't _have_ to do anything. I wanted to do it."

"And you aren't broken. Well, maybe you are, but if you are than we all are."

Connie shrugged again. "I'm sorry I'm putting all this on you. I'm pulling the exact same stunt literally everyone else has with you. This should be about you, and the pain you're feeling. I don't want to be one of the people who made you a side character in your own life."

Steven patted around the blanket, successfully retrieving a hand from the depths of her ankles. "I don't mind being a side character when it's you."

"I know you're trying to be romantic, but that's just proof you need therapy."

" _We_ need therapy," he tried hopefully.

Connie doesn't agree or disagree to that. "I can't believe cute couple goals are finding therapists."

"We can make aesthetic boards of our doctors with complimenting colors and tag each other."

"Okay, but only if I get the pastels and you get the goth colors."

Steven smiles. It's small, and wavering, but it's a smile. "I can work with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this at two a.m. so this will either be super insightful and deep or shit there is no in-between with this type of writing with me, thnx for reading this far regardless of what it is/was!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	4. This chapter is a depression mood

Steven's phone goes off at 7:13. The alarm was supposed to be for 7:15, originally, and he'd simply made a mistake creating it on the app, and by then he was too lazy to change it.

They roll over, hit the button, and practically throw it onto the table. "No. _Hell_ no."

Suddenly, it's noon, and they can't get out of bed. They're so tired- and as easy as it was to play it off as corruption-lag before, they knew it'd been too long for that. They just were tired. Existing. As tired. And they were just fed up enough to finally admit it.

"Depression is a bitch," they grumble, running their fingers through their hair. They roll over onto their back to give their sore hip a rest, but before they can doze off again there's steps on the stairs.

"Steven? Connie? Are you-" Pearl turns that final corner and pauses, blinking. "Oh, I'm sorry, Stevonnie. When did you happen?"

Stevonnie sat up. "I dunno," they admitted, half-surprised themselves. "I guess they... sleep-fused? Is that even a _thing_?"

"I don't see why it couldn't be. Humans are remarkably agreeable during their REM cycles." The Gem crouched by their bed, hands politely clasped on their blanket. "Did you want to spend some time with us before Connie heads out?"

They thought about it. Being Stevonnie didn't happen as much now-a-days as when Steven and Connie were kids. Not because of complications. Not really. Mostly because of busy schedules. Mostly. "That... sounds great, actually."

"Oh, I'm so glad!" Pearl rocketed to her feet, arms a-flailing. "I'll go tell the others! We have some of your favorite oatmeal saved for just the occasion! Though, now that I think about it, it might be a little out of date. Stars, it's been too long!"

 _Well_ , figured Stevonnie, _the jig is up_. They reluctantly crawled out from under the blankets, missing their comforting worth at the first blast of cooler air. The nice thing about being a common staple in the house is that there's an entire section of the dresser dedicated to them, just as there is to Connie (in case something ruined her clothes on a mission) and even a drawer set aside for days when Steven's shapeshifting was wonky (bigger and smaller sizes than he usually wore, complete with plenty of drawstrings).

Their fingers paused on the fabric of a sea green sundress. A gift from Mr. Dad that they had yet to bust out- another nice thing was that, when birthdays happened, Stevonnie got gifts too, so they had twice the birthdays! Stevonnie pulled it out, letting it unravel. There was a loose fitting belt around the midsection, and folds in the skirt that would make it look all billowy.

"Aw, man, this is literally everything I love," they said, then paused. A bewildered frown crossed their features. "You... don't wanna?"

They slowly shook their head. "No, I wanna, but... this isn't what people expect of me now."

"What the hell does that mean?" Stevonnie replied to themselves. "You can wear dresses whenever you want. You know that, right?"

"But people stare."

"Screw the people! If you like looking pretty, look pretty!"

They still hesitated. Stevonnie shuffled through conjoined memories like a deck of cards; sure enough, it'd been years since Steven had last allowed himself to wear something pretty. But the yearning was still there. "Wearing dresses still makes you a boy. Just like me wearing dresses still makes me Stevonnie! And we can put something on underneath it, so when we split apart we'll both be comfortable."

"This isn't about looking like a boy or a girl or anybody else!" Stevonnie hugged the fabric to their chest, feeling tears gurgle up. "People thought it was cute, when I was little. Then I got big, and they all started being... different. _I was letting them down_."

Stevonnie took in a shuddering breath, wiping a soggy eyelid. "We don't have to wear this if it hurts. But it's okay if you want to, you know? The Gems don't care about gender roles, and neither do we. You're pretty. You're pretty." They managed a weak chuckle. " _I'm_ beautiful."

* * *

Lion was Steven's, technically. But statistically, going off the sheer amount of fur-covered objects in her room, it was safer to say he was probably hers. So when they part, Steven in his usual PJs and Connie in a dress a few sizes too big and looking torn between humor and jealousy, and asks for "permission" to keep him close for a bit, she says yes, even though it's a giant fuck-you magical death lion that they can't control.

"You realize," she says, shucking the damn thing off. "That this means I'll need to take your car home."

"Sure."

"Cool."

Steven pauses. "Is this what being domestic is? It feels weird."

"I guess so?" Connie hands him the dress, now folded, with a soft smile. "I'm more of a blouse girl anyway."

"Thanks." He turns red from his nose to his ear-tips. "I do- I do want to wear it, you know? But I'm not ready yet. I think I forgot how to not be afraid of stuff like this."

That's entirely too relatable right now, and she finds herself huffing out a laugh. "That's okay. We can work up to that. Stevonnie's great at saying fuck you to gender norms."

"Yeah," he says, wistful. "They're awesome."

Connie leaves after a quick goodbye to Steven, slipping into the dondai with practiced ease. Driving is a weird topic for her, experience-wise; she knew how, and had almost all of her hours on her permit, but she was far better with spaceships and Gem tech than an Earth car. Gem tech was a lot easier overall, usually drawing on simple shapes to describe complicated concepts. Earth had stick.

The car climbs its way up and around the dunes, edging awkwardly towards the grass. Connie almost does a double-take when she spots Jasper sitting on a rock that, knowing her, she'd probably ripped out of a wall herself. She was rubbing her jaw contemplatively. Connie's blood began to boil, just a little, but she slowed down anyway. Her anger didn't matter. It hadn't with White, and it won't now.

She hit a button and the passenger's window went down. The movement caught Jasper's attention, the Quartz looking up as she came to a halt. "Howdy, stranger. Need a lift?"

"I'm not a stranger," she replied. "And if I wanted to, you'd already be in the air by now."

Right. Crap. Jasper is hard for her to place, hovering the weird delicate line between the Gems she knew and the strangers she didn't. Strangers were great because she could say a few things in her customer service voice and be done with them. The Gems were for forever. "Get in. I'll drive you to Little Homeschool. You can get back to your cave from there, right?"

Jasper's eyes narrow. "What's in it for you?"

"I get to be the better person," Connie admits. "And I really don't wanna go home."

Jasper gets in. She doesn't ask how she knows to use the handle, nor does she request she put on a seatbelt. She's not entirely sure the dondai's seatbelts could wrap around her. Connie cracks her own window for a little noise and eases off the brakes.

* * *

It's quiet in Beach City. It usually is after a corruption attack. Granted, they had been much fewer now, and maybe it was for that reason alone that the sidewalks were sparse almost four days later. Maybe it was just a weird time. Connie didn't think too much on it.

Surprisingly, it's Jasper who breaks the silence. "What's your placement?"

"What?"

"Your placement. I was in the war, you know. I know your Gems used humans the same way Homeworld does Rubies." Jasper rolls her eyes. "I'm sure you felt so special. Did they even give you inscriptions?"

"I'm a Crystal Gem," she replies promptly. "I'm a trained swordfighter."

"Yeah, but what does that mean? Where do you _belong?_ "

Connie's fingers tighten on the steering wheel. "I guess, if you wanna get technical about it, I'm Steven's right-hand. His knight. But our dynamic isn't anything like that. He cares about me. We're equals."

"Must be nice," says Jasper, sincerely. "All my life, I've tried to be worth something to someone. To the Diamonds. To Lazuli. To Steven. But he'd rather pick puny little earthlings over an actual, capable warrior. They all did, eventually."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Maybe I'm not, then." Connie shrugs. "I'm not sorry that you're a mean person. I'm not sorry that you live in the middle of the woods and punch trees. But I am sorry for the way the world treated you."

Jasper snorts, looking out the window. "You ever died before, runt?"

"Can't say as I have. I've seen something close to it, though." It's not nearly as graceful as anime made it look. It's mostly a lot of falling. A lot of begging.

"It hurts. But I'm happy it happened. I've got a new purpose. A Diamond." Jasper awkwardly reaches out and pats her shoulder. It's the same way humans pat textures they don't know the sensation of- awkward, and rhythmic. "Guess that means we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

"Only if you plan on coming to therapy with me."

"Absolutely not."

"Do you even know what therapy is?" she asked, exasperated.

Jasper, to her surprise, nods. "My Diamond told me a little about it. It's sitting and talking to puny earthlings about "problems". Jaspers don't sit and talk. Jaspers punch things. I will punch things while he is in the therapy."

"Punching _is_ a kind of therapy. Well, exercising is. And that's part of punching."

Jasper shakes her fists, looking legitimately outraged. "My hands have betrayed me."

Connie laughs so hard she almost crashes the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of an in-between chapter, I feel, but I like a lot of what it's about. Connie and Jasper coming to some form of agreement, Steven letting himself begin to enjoy himself a bit, etc. Next chapter is gonna be more interesting, though!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	5. I wish we'd met before they convinced us life is war

Connie does not, in fact, sleep in her bedroom that night. Hell, she doesn't even sleep in her own _house._ Being a very normal teenager with very normal problems, she parks the dondai into her very normal school's parking lot and conks out in a very normal sea of wrappers and what her spine registers as a very normal umbrella, because that is a very normal coping mechanism to arguing with her very normal mom about very normal PTSD things.

(And dreams of pink scales.)

(And dreams of pink scales on her own skin.)

(And dreams of a horrible, horrible song.)

(And hates herself for it, like fusing into Stevonnie _once_ will magically make corruption cooties rub off on her.)

Then she just kind of... keep doing it. It's surprisingly easy to keep it up. Daniel has his own family issues, and he doesn't ask questions when she pops by his house for a shower. People tend not to go near her at school anymore, especially when she looked off. That was what got Jeff a broken arm in middle school, after all. Steven has to suspect _something_ by now, since it's his car, but he never says anything.

(It kind of reminds her of middle school all over again, of the thrill of keeping secrets from her family. Things had been so much simpler back then.)

Connie knows one call to Bismuth and she'd have a couch again, but that would undoubtedly get the Gems attention, and that's the last thing Connie wants right now. They've got so much on their own plates- as a coworker, as a _friend_ , it's best she pick up her big girl shorts and get through it on her own.

* * *

 _I've been so tired lately_ , Steven texts at two A.M., _but now I have too much energy. Help?_

And Connie goes, much like a cat summoned by the clicking of fingers. Beach City is a dull honey orange this time of early morning, lit mostly by the two or three streetlights and a couple of awkwardly placed Gem gadgets. She cranks up the music. The radio croons about growing up and love. Fucking traitor.

She parks just beside the rock wall and turns that corner to find a million pink bubbles floating all around, all with little shards of light inside. Connie has never been prior to the bubble of an actual Rose Quartz, but she imagines the shade of bubblegum to be the same soft, gentle one Steven has.

(She's seen Rose's bubbles. They were darker. Sharper. Secretive bubbles.)

Suddenly nervous, she laces her fingers around her midsection. "Quite the romantic setting, Universe."

"Sorry," he says, and laughs awkwardly and shrugs. It's nice to know he sees it too. "I couldn't find a flashlight."

It's been a week, she realizes dimly. It feels like no time at all. Steven is Steven, never aging in increments, only in sprints. His body is patient and kind even when his mind and heart grows older and sadder.

Steven steps forward a bit, and it's only then Connie realizes he has her sword in his hand. That doesn't scare her, though she wonders if it should. It's _only_ been a week.

"Connie," he says, "My knight."

"Absolutely not," she replies, already knowing. "The light is terrible for this."

He held the hilt out with a sideways smile that's just a bit disconcerting. "Don't tell me you haven't missed sparring."

Damn, he's good. "In the dark?"

"It's not dark. We've got bubbles."

"I won't go easy on you, Universe," she says, and takes the blade made especially for her.

"Good," he says, and forms bubbles around his hands.

There's not an easy way to attack Steven. When they were younger, it was all about proximity- if she got closer than his bubble would expand, then she could land solid blows. But then Steven learned to control the size of his bubble. Then it was distance, climbing the spikes to stand tall above- if he let go now, she would win. Then he learned how to open holes in his bubbles.

Then he learned to make them on his hands.

Then he learned how to box.

So, yeah. He's gotten fairly good at offensive measures.

But Connie has the great pleasure of owning a decently sized anime sword, and she swings that sucker down _hard_. He dodged to the left, punches the next swig aside. Connie trades a couple of blows with him that way before taking a few leaps back.

Steven summons a shield and an honest, true smile. "Nice try!" He chucks it, and she slices it cleanly in half. "Um. Very nice try?"

"You always forget your weak spot," she chided him, shifting her grip on the handle of her blade.

"Hey, I like my shield."

"You can't adapt what isn't yours, Steven."

Steven put his hands out in front of him and began to grow a bubble. Connie felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle as she went to the side, leaping over an old chunk of rubble. Or maybe it's new? The beach has seen its fair share of wars.

An explosion, like the snap of gum, is all the warning she gets before Steven grabs the tattered edges and wields them like dancing ribbon. Ethereal pink coils around the sand like a snake as Connie takes a risk and runs towards him, bellowing a war cry. Steven twists his wrists and her sword is entangled.

"This is new," she notes.

Steven tugs, gently, which is to say Connie loses a couple of steps not of her own volition. "Thanks. I thought of it when I got my powers back from Spinel. I can control all the parts of my bubble- I can even change the shape. Why not the shreds?"

"Fancy." She threw her whole body into pulling back, and Steven allowed her to spread the ribbon taut. "Betcha can't knock me down."

Steven smiled deviously. "Bet," he agreed, then grabbed hold and _wrenched_.

Connie let go of her sword.

Steven turned bright pink.

Time must slow for him, because in the second it takes for her to blink, the sword is on the ground, and the ribbons are flying right toward her face.

"SHIT."

Connie dodges one, barely. The other wraps around her wrist with a whisper of magic fabric. The sensation is a bit like the dull hum she got that one time she touched a wire that was on but didn't shock her, buzzy and unnerving, and then she's on the ground.

"Connie!" Steven yelled, vanishing the ribbon. Connie rolled onto her back but made no move to get up as he pranced over. "I'm so sorry, Connie, it was just a reactionary thing and-"

Connie spat a little sand out, nonplussed. "That's fair. I played dirty."

"That's okay."

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

She kicked his feet out from under him. Steven landed flat on his back, while Connie sat on his tummy. "I win."

He stuck a tongue out. "Meanie." His peaceful complacence vanished in an instant. "Oh, Connie, your cheek. You're bleeding."

"I am?" She touched the side of her cheek and felt the old stick of blood. "Well, hot damn, I'm bleeding."

Somehow, that made the frown sink deeper into the lines of his skin. Connie watched in startling high definition as Steven's face changed from happy, to sad, to something twisted and uncomprehending. Tears began to leak down his face.

"Hey, hey," she said, grabbing his hand. "I'm okay. We're okay. I'm sorry I was so rough."

Steven tugged his hands free, sitting up slightly. "What's _wrong_ with us?" he asks. "We should be- this isn't- why does this feel so natural?" He rolled them so she was on his back, his hands hovering beside her head. It wasn't nearly as romantic as anime had led her to believe. Steven snorted some snot back up his nose. "We were- we were kids. We _are_ kids. When did we stop playing like kids?"

"Steven," said Connie, hating her weak bitch of a heart for twisting.

"I asked you to come over in the middle of the night for a death match! And that's okay! This is totally a-okay! We're just... we're just alright with that..." Steven threw his weight down on the sand, just barely avoiding hitting his head. "Why is war our go-to game?"

Connie grabbed some sand between her fingers, letting it hiss between her fingers, cool to the touch. "Are we- isn't this a good time?"

"Should it be?"

She didn't have an answer to that.

Steven snorked some more and licked his thumb, trailing it across her cheek. Magic felt like soda bubbles and smelled like strawberries. "I was born broken," he rasped. "Or I was born to _be_ broken. And then I broke you. I'm so _sorry_ , Connie."

"You didn't break me," Connie promises. "And you aren't broken, either. I think... we need better words. To describe the things we are."

"Therapy?"

"Therapy."

"Hooray."

She found it in her to laugh. "You ever heard of kintsugi?"

Steven gave her a blank stare.

"It's a Japanese art to fix broken things. Pottery, mostly. They fill the cracks with stuff that makes it shiny and sparkly and gold, because the cracks are part of what it is." Connie squeezed his hand. "We don't have to be broken if we don't wanna be. We just need to learn how to do that. With, like, our brains."

His eyes seemed to shimmer a little as he pulled her closer, tucking his chin into her hair. "You're a wordsmith, Maheswaran."

"That was _far_ from my best speech, Steven. I referenced an art I barely know and tried to make it into a metaphor. I used _like_."

"Can I stay here a bit?"

"If we must," she sighs, melodramatically flinging an arm across her face. "I'll push back those meetings with the council of seagulls to next week."

"You should call your mom."

"I know," she says, but is too comfortable to move. Steven's shoulder is soft and warm, and it makes the grit bearable. "I will. In the morning, I will."

* * *

 _(I'm sorry,_ Connie will say, covered head to toe in sand and bad decisions. _I love you. I miss you._

 _I love you too_ , Priyanka will reply, because it's true. _Sometimes, I just wish we weren't so alike._

And Connie will laugh, then, because she's surrounded by magic and Gems and a secret, heavy and dark, that she'll never tell. Not if Steven won't. Not if the disembodied head of White Diamond won't. _I know, mom. But don't worry. This is enough.)_

For now, this is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not... entirely satisfied with this ending. But endings are hard, I think, regardless of what I'm writing. It's not easy to come up with a good stopping point. Is this resonant enough? What if I block the story in, and destroy the imagination of readers? Etc, etc. But I'm okay with it. It's an end. That's what I was looking for.
> 
> Coupla songs relate to this chapter, actually. Netflix Trip by AJR, definitely, but the song Connie's listening to in the car is Ultimately by Khai Dreams. I love that SUF animatic with it so much. I heard a Heathers tidbit in an amv and the line "I wish we'd met before they convinced you life is war" really just. Struck me in the ribs. Hence it being the title name.
> 
> There's a couple of other things I could've attached- originally Greg was going to break up their sparring and his worrying about them would strike something, and make them both feel Different, but it didn't fit with what eventually happened. I'd also planned smth about Jasper punching trees outside The Therapy, but it's fuzzy to me now.
> 
> Fun Fact: this took me so long solely bc I suck at writing action scenes! I need to get better at them. Constructive criticism is welcome!
> 
> I started this right after the finale, so I guess it's the right time for me to say... goodbye, Steven Universe. I'll write you again. You won't air anew again. But you mean something special in my heart. I never want to forget the things that've helped me grow.
> 
> -Mandaree1

**Author's Note:**

> Ngl this is less of a structured story and more of me feeling a Vibe and writing what feels appropriate. There's no set number of chapters, but I'm really not expecting it to go over five? Maaayyybbbeee six?
> 
> Mostly I just had ideas for Ppl realizing that Connie needs therapy too and Overenthusiastic Jasper being fairly clingy to Steven and realized I could CombineTM them and I'm ready to give it a go!
> 
> -Mandaree1


End file.
